Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Load of crap

Do you ever have those days where it seems like absolutely nothing is going right? For me, that day has been about two and a half months long (although in the interest of full disclosure, I have to admit it has not exactly been a stellar year) and seems to be reaching its apex now, at the end of July. This either means that things can only get better in August or that things are going to veer toward this massive disastrous catastrophe for an unspecified amount of time to come. I would be optimistic, but I kind of feel like I've been living in a sh*t storm for a while now, and nothing will kill hope like a situation like that.

The day started with me having to weigh myself for my ediets check in. I started the diet in April and then went off of it in May, came back to it in June and have been on it since. Although I initially lost some weight (and felt listless and lethargic in the process), I gained it all back when I went off the diet. Since going back on it, I haven't been able to report a net loss of any pounds. I will lose a pound or half a pound in a week, then promptly gain it back the following week, without doing anything differently, really. My mom thinks I should be running more, but I don't really know that this diet allows for much more activity than I already have in my life (3-4 days of running a week which will be steadily increasing mileage-wise as I get into my training for the marathon and 3-4 days of pretty intense yoga), unless I want to be totally drained of energy pretty much all the time, meaning crappy workouts and, more generally, feelings of crappy all around. So the day started with yet another weight gain, and when you report weight gains to ediets, they kind of scold you and then ask you if you want to reduce your calorie intake, because that is sure to boost your energy levels. I'm done with ediets. I'm totally, 100% over it. What a great start to the day!

I have to move again soon (in spite of feeling like I just moved, which I sort of did) and that is turning out to be disastrous. What makes it even better is the fact that I am moving for this new job, which I supposedly started on July 1st, except that as of today, I am still not in the system as an employee. This is just another thing on the list of things that have gone wrong so far with this job.

This is all just so tiring. I feel overwrought, overwhelmed, fed up, and run down. All of this BS has really just drained my energy and the last thing I feel like doing right now is going for a run, even though I can acknowledge that it would probably do me some good.

What I really want is to just leave everything behind and start over somewhere. I have a vacation to San Diego coming up and the idea of just going out there and staying is looking better and better by the minute.


Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to hear about your crappy year. I'd say stay positive, things can't always be bad for you!! Soon things HAVE to turn and get better for you, they always do!!

Rachel said...

We all have those ups and downs. Especially in transition periods. Just keep your eye on the postives--vacation soon! Everything will fall into place in its due time :-)

zebeckras said...

I know I've told you this before but I never, ever, ever had luck with eDiets. It works for some and not for others, I guess; no idea why really. I've even heard from a person who had been doing okay losing weight on her own, then started eDiets and gained weight and couldn't get it back off. So don't feel like a failure b/c of eDiets, it's just not for everyone. (I say that STILL feeling like "obviously, I was doing something wrong" when I was on it. Ignore that and just listen to what I preach. ;D)

Rachel said...

I just started reading a great book I think you might be interested in. It's called "Sports Nutrition" by Nancy Clark. Rather than that eDiets stuff...this focuses on athletes and what is needed for their bodies. I thought you might like it.

Alissa said...

I'm going to be in San Diego in a few weeks too. Its a great place to run. I really like the paths around Mission Bay and Mission Beach. Its really expensive to live there though. I hope things get better for you. Keep us posted.

*jen* said...

I hate the days/months/year when nothing goes right. I'm sorry you're going through that. I agree with Rachel - keep your eyes on the positives. Try not to dwell on all the b.s. b/c that won't make things change or make you feel better. Just know we're all rooting for you. And things will get better soon.