Viva la resoluciòn!

You know the feeling you get when you really haven't done anything all day, and it hasn't been relaxing and restorative so much as, like, disappointing? And it's kind of around the time the sun is setting so you have sort of worked yourself into a spot where you are either going to have to a) go to the gym (on January 2! good luck finding a treadmill); b) run outside in the dark; or c) skip your run altogether. Okay, first of all, scratch option c off the list because you haven't really done anything else all day* and going for a run will potentially turn the entire day around and make you feel like you accomplished something. B is actually not too bad, since your neighborhood is residential and safe. But you're kind of scared of the dark. It makes you feel a teensy bit claustrophobic (random, right?!). Signs are kind of pointing to a as your best bet. So you're kind of just sitting on your bed with your laptop on top of your lap typing away and feeling disappointed that your day was totes lame and putting all your eggs in your gym bag.

I honestly do not know what the gym will be like. My mom said she went this morning and it wasn't too bad. Maybe everyone has already given up on themselves! I have mixed feelings about resolutions, really. On one hand, you can make them at any time, why wait for the first of the year? On the other, it is kind of nice to feel like you are giving yourself some direction for the days that lie ahead. It's kind of sad, in a way, though, that we repeatedly feel like something we've done isn't good enough and that we have to wait for this big momentous day in order to work to make things better. I wish we all felt like we had the power to change the things we wanted to change at any time, based entirely on decision to do so. But I digress. Back to the resolutionaries.

It makes me both sad and perversely satisfied to find that by March, gym attendance has dropped back down to normal. Then again, we are all aware of the fact that I am a somewhat sick person who cares little about the pain, suffering, and failure of others (right, guy who fell during the 5k?)--I just want my treadmill access because I am a serious runner and I deserve that treadmill more than you, Mr. Resolutionary. I know your game. You will pump the speed up to 7.5 for about two minutes, then realize you're in over your head, and place either foot on the sides of the treadmill, off the belt, until you catch your breath. Then you will repeat. You will do this over and over again for twenty minutes, without taking into consideration the fact that you spent more time catching your breath than you did running. Meanwhile, I could have been running that entire time, and working on my fitness, which I have been working on for a while and not because I resolved to.

This brings out the worst in me, I tell you! I get possessive about the gym, the treadmill, the locker room--whatever it is that I want access to but can't actually access because someone else is accessing it. I should probably work on letting all of that go. I'm not really a terrible person, as much as I joke about it. I'm happy for those people who resolve to be healthier. I want them to succeed.

So maybe I should make a resolution to be a little more patient about things like this in 2009. Or I should just make sure I don't sit around doing nothing until the sun goes down, and actually go for a run outside on the days when it's possible to do so. Because if I do just waste the day away, ending up at a crowded gym is sort of no one's fault but my own.

*this isn't entirely true. I did spend a fair amount of time honing my ukulele-playing skillz. They are lackluster, but I've only just started. I expect to be a virtuoso by Wednesday of next week.